I'm so stressed about things I can't control.  I don't know where I'll live next year, or for how long.  I don't know where I'll teach or where I'll go after that.  I don't know what happens with Lauren and myself...hard to believe you can just call something like this quits, but I have no idea where I'll be.  I don't want to be an adult.  I don't want to hurry other people along to this unknown future.  I'll tell kids they should read good books and worry about grammar while I know it's more marketable to take business or science classes.  I don't know...a lot of confusion. 

I'm looking forward to tomorrow.  Bryant and Anna Jo may be looking to do something.

No idea what to do for Valentine's Day either.  I got pounded by school and work and the time I planned on preparing disappeared very quickly.  It's hard to do things really special in Morris, and even Willmar isn't anything spectacular.  I just don't know how to express to this girl that she means a ton to me.  Especially with V-day and our 2 fucking year anniversary two days later, I'm really feeling unprepared--maybe due to advertising telling people that guys give women diamonds for every anniversary.  I find it difficult because I don't need anything special for occasions...just relaxing and not being at work is great for me, but I feel the need to dazzle, but not the ability.

I heard the partying tonight at the Met was kinda lame.  Not unhappy that I missed it.  Maybe a big house like the compound will be available next year and we can have some decent parties.  Don't even know where I'd live...people seem to be very non-committal and I don't even know if a house is feasible....not if I'm the only one. 

I loved Matt's lovelines in the UR...clever dude